Deus Excelsior

Home > General > I’m Alive

I’m Alive

Note: I wrote this a while ago when I was to say the least having a bad day.

I’m alive, I’m here, I’m breathing, and I’m alright.

Well, it seems that way. I’m not dead, My heart is still beating, and I’m conscious. Although “alright” might be a completely different story.

I’m alive, I’m here, I’m breathing, and I’m alright.

Maybe not. I’m not alright. I’d give anything to be somewhere else; to have one day of everything that was “normal” in my life. But that wasn’t what was given to me, and despite the tears, despite the pain, and despite the hardships, I can make it. I wouldn’t be put into this if I couldn’t make it out.

I’m alive, I’m here, I’m breathing, and I’m alright.

I’m torn. You’ve taken everything I thought I had, everything I wanted, everything I desired, everything i had a passion for and crushed it in front of me. You continue to do it. I feel like there’s some disease that’s taken control of my body and infected me. It’s slowly consuming my soul and devouring every part of my spirit. Day by day it gets worse, and then when it can’t get any worse, it does.

I’m alive, I’m here, I’m breathing, and I’m alright.

I’m sitting here drowning. Every word  someone says, be it a friend, a mentor, or whatever seems to push me deeper down into the water. It doesn’t hurt anymore. It really doesn’t hurt at all. I’m being pushed to my limits. When I sleep, all there is is screaming. When I wake up, all there is is screaming. I feel like there has to be an escape. There has to be somewhere to go, there has to be more to life than this.

I’m alive, I’m here, I’m breathing, and I’m alright.

I can see you where there’s nothing to be seen. I can feel you where there’s nothing to be felt. I can stand in front of you when no one’s there. I can feel your hand on me when nothing else matters. I am unworthy.

I’m still alive, I’m still here, I’m still breathing, and I’m still alright.

Posted on January 22, 2008 at 3:24 AM